Cancer Take One

  Hey y'all, so I havr been thinking about documenting my journey lately. So a blog seems like a beautiful way!
 
  September 10th my mother was having an awful time eating. Always cringing. Only soft foods. Mainly Mac and cheese which fast became her favorite. She kept saying she had a kanker sore that wasn't healing. At this point it had been a month of her suffering and I had a enough of seeing her life slowly decline. As a family, we said, enough is enough and she went to a doctor.

  A week later we drove to the ENT in Berrien to get the results. Both laughing and hopeful as we discussed my birthday plans. It was sunny and beautiful, and niether of us worried much about the biospy results.
 
  We finally made it and sat in a small waiting room with the funniest receptionist I have ever met. She reinforced my good vibes for the day!
Finally after 15 minutes we we're called back to a small private room.

   The doctor walked in with a somber demeanor. Not smiling ear to ear, a get down to business kind of woman. She checked my mom's vitals and looked in her mouth and slumped into the standard doctor rolling chair. And that is when I knew.

   "Suzanne ( that's my mom) I hate to tell you but the biospy and pathology report came back positive for cancer."

SILENCE.

  At this point I am in shock. Niether of us have words for the news we were given.
The doctor must have seen the color leave my face because she handed me a small Kleenex pack.

  I then out of no where became snappy.
" WELL IS SHE GOING TO DIE?!"
Looking back that was a distasteful way to phrase it, but I could feel my emotions building.

  "She is stage 4. But with surgery and treatment you can have a good quality of life."

  Umm, excuse me. Quality of life? I wanted to know how much life. Would she see me get married. Have kids. Help me decorate a house. Be able to call for recipes. Even lecture me on things 10 years down the road. I craved answers, but I quickly learned with cancer nothing is in my control. It's in God's hands.

  I can't even lie I ran out of the room. Sitting in my car, I bawled my eyes out. Frantically calling my aunt to vent about how I don't know how I was going to handle this. Looking back, I was being selfish when I was suppose to be strong. Yet in the months after I think I figured.out how to be a rock, when before I felt like a pebble. TBC...